Why am I Not Loved?

The thought that makes me think I might need to go to a fucking therapy

Tia Ella Gliata

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Courtesy by Unsplash

I don’t think that I’m a bad person. I’m nice to people in general. I’m a really good friend. I work hard for my relationships. I care about people around me. I go above and beyond for the people that I love. I don’t expect anything back.

Yet, still, I can’t help but to feel that none of it matters.

What the hell am I missing?

If I ask the question in Quora, I bet most answers would be like “You can always love yourself.” or “You have to love yourself first.”

Fucking bullshit.

I love myself. I take a pretty good care of myself. I don’t think self-love is the issue here.

Am I just not capable to be loved? If yes, why is that? Cause I really cannot figure out what it is. I would really love if anyone can just answer the question for me straight, so at least I can move on with my life and work on it, cause I’m just fucking tired of feeling this way.

“It’s just you.”

Is it though? Cause I know what it feels like to be loved. I know what it’s like when other people show love to me. The truth of the matter is that I haven’t felt that in a long time. The worse part is maybe because it hasn’t happened in a while, I’m sort of looking for it and I’m let down whenever it didn’t happen.

It just kept not happening.

Some people are easily replacable, indeed. Some people take some time for me to realize what they’re actually meant to me and me to them. Some people I just can’t figure out.

Maybe I’m looking for a lot of different kinds of love and when they’re not entirely fulfilled, I fall apart.

“You just need to focus on the people who truly love you.”

What if I don’t even have that? Whom should I focus on then?

Those people who are famous and normally get a lot of comments in a day always tell themselves to shut those voices out and just focus on their loved ones.

I don’t have either.

I’m just tired.

I’m not co-dependant. At least, I don’t think that I am.

I’m just so very fucking tired after everything that I’ve done for people around me including my own family, no one still gives a shit about me.

I guess it’s true. We always want what we can’t have.

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Tia Ella Gliata

Pouring my heart out. Writing as self-therapy. Healthy lifestyle, exploring, & building a community I’ll devote my life to. Cheerio!