It’s been four years since I graduated college. Not much that I can still remember from those glorious three years of my life.
I was happy. Motivated. I wasn’t exactly feeling like I was on top of the world or if I walked above water, but I felt ‘achieved’ like I have accomplished everything I set myself up for in three years.
Not even three months after my college life was completed, the first worst moment of my life began.
Everything fell apart and I can barely still holding on to anything.
I remember feeling not hopeless but just would take on anything I can get, whatever it might be.
The best thing about being on the bottom is that there’s nowhere to go but up. You know the worst thing about being on top? Down is the only way to go.
Down the way I went.
I fell to the deepest despair. I had nowhere to go or to turn. The worst part of it all was that my surroundings weren’t exactly a big ball of support.
I was once this bright light bulb shining a whole wide room and it felt like all of the sudden someone was turning the switch off.
I was discouraged.
Not worthless, I know I was worth something. It was just that every time I tried to do more, to accomplish more, I felt like I was just hitting bricks and I wasn’t strong enough to tear those down.
After a good long while, I started to believe it.
That I only belonged inside those bricks. That I can never expand my own space.
I was lost. I knew I wanted more but never thought that I could.
I kept wondering how other people can do so much. How come they still have an appetite for life.
While I was just there, feeling stuck and got nowhere to go.
It wasn’t until today that I realized I had been discouraged.
I had been discouraged by my surrounding, by the community around me that I wasn’t good enough. That I wasn’t strong enough to move those bricks. That I could possibly worth more and achieve more if I had tried harder.
I was discouraged by their saying. Couldn’t. Shouldn’t. Wouldn’t. Didn’t.
Never ever let that happen again.
You’re not better than anybody, but nobody is better than you. You can always achieve what you set yourself out to do.