I Feel Broken.
There’s no better way to put it. That one word sums up exactly how I feel.
--
The last few days weren’t exactly my brightest moments.
I haven’t written in a while because I kind of want to change the whole tone of my writing, but this one is an exception.
This will just be a sad, sad diary to reflect how exactly I’m feeling at the moment cause it’s all I can think about in the last few days.
I feel exactly the same way as when I was 13.
I have always known that I love traveling. I just don’t come from a rich family and my family isn’t the biggest traveling fan, so I didn’t have a lot of chance to do that.
That left me feeling so envious towards my friends who were blessed with rich parents and a family who loved taking vacations every time a holiday came around.
I remembered feeling that sinking feeling in my heart as if it just happened yesterday.
The envy of why they got to do it and I didn’t. The hopelessness that I might never get the chance to do that. The fact that I stuck in a situation where I didn’t know if I’ll ever be able to change it and what to do if I could.
Those feelings eventually went away over the years as my life took some turns slowly.
I got to live the best four years of my life, finally, from 17 to 21 years old. It was just a big blast of rainbows, sunshine, and cotton candy.
Then, adulthood came and everything went to shit again.
I’ve been depressed a couple of times before. One time, for one full year.
It was the worst feeling I have ever felt and I never ever want to feel that way again.
This time thankfully isn’t that awful, but still very bad regardless.
The worst part is that I can’t escape the thoughts of my friends who are doing much better than me.
I feel like everyone already has their breaks and living happily ever after.
They are either married or about to get married, the point is that they have found and be together with their loved ones.
