4th Depression

I can’t believe I’m back here again.

At the time when I thought I would be happier than ever, at least happier than the rest of the year, I’m back in a depressed state again.

I recognize it so easily.

I’ve been in this position 3 times before and this one is very familiar to my very first depression in 2017.

I know what I want. I know what to do. Nothing just seems to happen according to plan and it fucking sucks.

My 2nd and 3rd depressions were about completely other things i.e. not knowing what I want / to do and missing my late dad.

This one is completely about that quote and very similar to the first one.

1. I’m in a bad mood and have crazy mood swings all the time.
2. I’m sad all the time.
3. I cry all the time.
4. I’m insanely sensitive over little things.
5. I’m not in the mood to do anything at all.
6. I just want to stay home, be negative, and watch Netflix.
7. I find everyone irritating.

It’s been going on for 3 weeks now. It’s been horrible and not just for me, but for people around me also.

I don’t want to make an impulsive decision just for the hope that this depressed state would be over, cause what if it isn’t? But I don’t know how to get out of this otherwise.

During my first depression, what I did right was to share my issues with my friends. Letting the thoughts out of my head really helped me to think clearly, feel calmer, and hence, can have better thoughts.

After that, the rest just followed.

I don’t know if the same solution can be applied to this one cause I seem to have done that all this time and nothing changes still.

I don’t know. I guess I’ll just let the time tell.